We’ve all had friends, family, neighbors, co-workers who have been faced with a Hard Thing. And we all want to help. We offer our support. We pray. We tell them we are there for them. We ask if there is anything we can do. But often we’re like deer in the headlights: stunned, blinded, frozen in place.

Here we have gathered ideas from some of our interviewees about what was most helpful to them in their times of need. We hope to help shake you out of your stunned state and send you forth with some solid ways you can help someone in need. If you have anything to add, leave a comment or send us an e-mail and we’ll add it to the list.

Think of the husband/children

Run errands with them and take on the role of making small talk

Make a photo book

Jewelry or mugs with initials of lost babies are good gifts

Organize a meal train

Housecleaning, or hiring a cleaning service

Babysitting children—overnight if you can

Book a hotel for a night away

Gift something to read or to listen to